Silent grief shadows Mother's Day for mums who lost children

While many families across the world marked this year’s Mother’s Day with flowers, laughter and cheerful tributes on social media, with others being celebrated by their children in person, for some women, the day came wrapped in silence, grief, unbearable emptiness and painful memories of children they never got to raise.

Behind the smiles at family gatherings, work places and places of worship are mothers carrying invisible grief, women whose children are no longer alive, yet whose motherhood never died with them. They are still mothers, but only through memories.

For these women, Mother’s Day is not about breakfast in bed, hugs from children or family photos shared online. It is about staring at empty bedrooms, scrolling through old photographs, dusting portraits on their walls and remembering voices that no longer echoed through their homes.

And although society often forgets them once the funeral ends, they insist on one thing: “They are still mothers and deserve, if not to be celebrated, then to celebrate themselves.”

For 27-year-old Faith Naliaka*, this was her first Mother’s Day without her newborn baby. After months of preparing to welcome her first child, she says the joy turned into heartbreak during delivery.

“I had already bought his clothes and prepared a small corner for him in the house,” she recalls softly. “I kept imagining how I would hold him on Mother’s Day. Instead, I spent the day staring at his tiny clothes in my room and his portrait beside my bed, overwhelmed when people wished me happy mother’s day with some even gifting me,” Naliaka narrates emotionally.

Naliaka says complications during labour led to the baby’s death moments before birth. Since then, she describes life as emotionally exhausting, marked by mixed feelings, especially when people around her continue celebrating motherhood.

And although society often forgets them once the funeral ends, they insist on one thing: “They are still mothers and deserve, if not to be celebrated, then to celebrate themselves.”

People often tell you to be strong, but few understand how to mourn a child you deeply loved and adored yet never got to take home.

“Love does not end because death happened,” says Naliaka. “I still talk about my child every single day. I still celebrate birthdays. I still pray for him. That is motherhood too.”

Miscarriage 

She says the pain become heavier during celebrations such as Mother’s Day, when social media and public spaces are filled with messages of joy. However, she added that this did not take that way,” she empasises.

“Losing my child never stopped me from being a mother. In fact, I am a proud one. Whenever I introduce myself, I embrace motherhood, he made me a mother. Death did not take that away,” she emphasises.

In another corner of the city, 28-year-old Jennifer Atieno also faced a painful Mother’s Day after losing her pregnancy at five months.

Atieno says she had already started feeling her baby kick and had even settled on name before she suffered a miscarriage earlier this year.

“That was not just a pregnancy to me. That was my child,” she says. “Losing the baby at five months broke me in ways I cannot explain.”

She notes many people often dismiss miscarriages, especially when the child was never born alive.

“Some people told me I can still try again, but that does not erase the loss,” Atieno says. “A mother still grieves the child she had already connected with.”

Another mother Anne Wairimu, says she has been married for more than six years and has battled infertility. With many Mother’s Day celebrations passing her by, she says she still longs for the day she too will be celebrated as a mother.

“Motherhood is not only defined by having grown children who can be seen or celebrate you on such days. As long as you conceived  and due to some reasons lost your pregnancy at any stage, or your baby died during delivery, hours days or months after birth you are still a mum. We need to embrace ourselves,” she narrates.

Emotional wounds

She recalls that early this year, when a doctor confirmed she was expectant, she could hardly believe it. Joy filled her heart as she thanked God for what she saw as answered prayer.

“Upon learning that I was expectant, I gave thanks to God in a special way, believing that I will no longer be humiliated but respected. Everything I had gone through for the past six years had come to an end. But three months later, my joy was cut short. I don’t know if I will ever get over it. And I won’t lie, time does not heal, it only makes it worse,” she says, tears rolling down.

According to Counselling Psychologist Joseph Wahothi, women who lose children during pregnancy or delivery often suffer in silence due to stigma and lack of emotional support.

He argues that society should create more space for grieving mothers to speak openly about pregnancy loss and stillbirths without judgment.

For many grieving mothers, the pain lies not only in losing a child but also in feeling invisible afterward. Society often struggles to speak about child loss, leaving many women isolated in silence.

Some avoid public celebrations altogether while others stay away from church services and family gatherings filled with children and joyful tributes.

“When people celebrate motherhood, they rarely think about mothers carrying grief,” says Wahothi. “Yet losing a child is one of the deepest emotional wounds a person can experience.”

According to the psychologist, grief triggered during celebrations such as Mother’s Day can reopen emotional wounds even years after loss. The pressure to appear strong often forces grieving mothers to suppress emotions that never truly disappear.

“People tell mothers to be strong, to pray, to move on,” Wahothi explains. “But grief is not something you finish. It changes form, but it remains part of you.” Across Kenya and around the world, support groups for bereaved parents are slowly helping women speak openly about child loss and grief. Through counselling, community support and remembrance events, many mothers are finding spaces where their pain is acknowledged rather than ignored.

Emotional wounds

Some plant trees in memory of their children, while others keep birthday rituals alive, light candles or preserve bedrooms untouched for years. For many, remembrance becomes a way of continuing motherhood.

He says child loss is one of the deepest forms of grief, as the baby or child is often known only to the mother and close relatives. Young babies may have had limited exposure to others, meaning the weaker the wider social connection, the lesser the sense of shared loss outside the immediate family.

He adds that grieving mothers should be supported during celebrations such as Mother’s Day through empathy rather than sympathy. Empathy, he explains, means allowing them to be without judgment, offering space to express their feelings and emotions without having to suppress their pain or “be strong” for others.

Psychology suggests that pain and memories linked to strong emotions can last for about two years. However, this varies from person to person. While the loss may never be forgotten, the intensity of the pain can reduce over time, with memories becoming less painful as healing progresses.

“No life can be forgotten; however, even therapy does not erase grief. Instead, it helps one manage it in a healthy way,” he says.