'I want to stop': Young Kenyans open up about struggle with masturbation

Sensual body with tanned skin in pink lingerie. [Courtesy/GettyImages]

Masturbation is an issue that is accompanied by silence and stigma, often dismissed as a harmless private habit. Yet, for many young people, what begins as curiosity or peer influence can develop into a strange behaviour that affects their physical health, mental well-being and relationships.

According to Centre for Disease Control, Masturbation is a natural and common practice where an individual stimulates their own genitals for sexual pleasure.

Joshua Meshack, 24, a student at Rongo University reveals a personal battle he has carried since adolescence. Beneath his calm demeanor, lies a disturbing addiction he began at 14 years.

“I was in Class Eight and 14 years old when it happened. An older relative came to visit for the holidays. We were sharing a room at night. One morning, I woke up and found him touching himself, I did not understand what he was doing. Out of curiosity I asked him what that was, and he offered to show me,” Joshua begins.

That moment, innocent as it seemed, marked the start of a journey that shadowed him through high school and into university, shaping how he viewed himself, his health, and relationships.

“He touched me too in a way I had never experienced before. I was shocked by the feeling. It was new and intense. That marked the beginning of my addiction,” he recounts.

Having never dated or been in a romantic relationship, Joshua found in that experience a secret source of stimulation that soon became comforting and controlling.

Joining a boys-only boarding school in high school, Joshua discovered he was not alone. Some of his friends had already formed similar routines, normalising the habit. “They actually encouraged it. They said it was safer than dating. Some even joked that it was better. I didn’t see it as wrong at the time. It became normal for us,” he says.

He developed a strict personal routine isolating himself for privacy and engaging in the behaviour regularly, sometimes multiple times daily. “I even started using oils or creams to make it easier. I didn’t tell anyone and I made sure no one ever found out,” he recalls.

Over time, the habit shifted from choice to compulsion, with Joshua feeling powerless to stop despite understanding that the habit was taking a toll on him. “I wanted to stop, but I just couldn’t. It became automatic. Like a reflex. I’d wake up and feel the need. I couldn’t resist,” he narrates.

The impact extended beyond the physical to Joshua’s emotional and mental well-being. “I started feeling pain in certain areas, especially when going to the bathroom. At first, I ignored it. But over time, I realised it wasn’t normal,” he says.

Socially, Joshua withdrew. “I’ve never dated. I don’t know how to start. I avoid relationships. I tell myself it’s better to be alone, but sometimes I know that’s just fear. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want anyone to know,” he confesses.

“ I try to distract myself watch movies, study in my hostel room, but the thoughts still come,” the 24-year-old says.

In a bid to break free, Joshua once spent a weekend with a female friend hoping it might help him refocus. “She left after two days. I felt alone again. The moment she left, I was back to it. I realised the habit wasn’t just physical it was psychological,” he narrates.

Joshua has yet to speak to a doctor, counselor, or family member about his struggle. But his desire for change is strong. “I’ve gone online to look for help. I’ve read articles, watched interviews, even tried self-discipline tips. Once, I even posted about it anonymously, hoping for advice. But I’ve never had the courage to seek professional help. It’s not something you talk about freely. But I want to stop. I want to regain control,” he says.

“I think it’s time. I’m not alone in this. Many young people are going through this. I want to help someone else know that change is possible,” Joshua says.

Michael Johnson, 22, a student at Tom Mboya University, shares a similar struggle. His experience began in Form Two during his time in a boys’ boarding school. “My friends and I were talking about relationships and dating, then one day, a friend told us how he’d broken up with his girlfriend and resorted to masturbation for comfort. He said it gave him as much pleasure as being with a girl. Being in a boys’ school, far from female companionship, I tried it and that’s how it started,” Michael says.

Michael’s habit quickly became a daily activity, and he saw no problem with it. But when reunited with his girlfriend during the holidays, something had changed. “I lost interest. I couldn’t explain why. My girlfriend complained I wasn’t performing well in bed. It was then that I started to suspect it was the constant masturbation,” he recounts.

Googling the effects, Michael found that excessive masturbation could cause sexual dysfunction, which he had begun experiencing firsthand. “Every time I met my girlfriend, I’d get aroused immediately, but during intercourse, I couldn’t perform. Premature ejaculation followed by loss of energy. She noticed and thought I was cheating,” he says.

Eventually, Michael opened up to her. She was hurt, but supportive, telling him he was ruining both their relationship and his future. Her words spurred him to seek help.

Michael consulted a female physician who advised him to avoid bad company and abstain from adult content, which he had become addicted to.

“She told me the damage might not be physical at first, but would take a toll mentally and emotionally,” Michael says.

Heeding her advice, Michael cut ties with those friends, stopped watching explicit videos, and changed his diet to include nutritious foods, such as avocados to improve sperm count and energy.

“Slowly, I saw improvement. My academics improved. I was more focused and confident. I started performing better in my relationship,” he smiles.

Among his original group of friends, only two others managed to stop. Some got married, but later separated due to complaints of poor sexual performance.

Michael now speaks to students about the dangers of excessive masturbation. “It’s a state of mind. If you decide to quit, you can. Set your mind right, seek help, and change your environment,” he advises.

Dr Keagan Kirugo, a medical professional, warns that long-term, frequent masturbation, especially daily over several years is harmful for physical and mental health. “Physically, it can lead to low libido, particularly when combined with pornography use. Mentally, it is linked to anxiety and depression,” he explains.

He lists warning signs for addiction as interference with school or work activities, using it as a primary stress reliever, genital inflammation and inability to stop despite repeated efforts. “Masturbation is a problematic behaviour. It cannot be generally counted as a healthy behaviour,” Dr Kirugo states firmly.

“Adolescents learn by modeling. Peer influence, curiosity, and the desire to fit in drive this behaviour,” he adds.

Dr Kirugo also explains the close link between pornography and masturbation: “Pornography acts as a stimulus through visual and audio stimulation.”

To manage this, he advises adopting offline hobbies, talking to a trusted non-judgmental friend, and using pornography filters or safe search tools.

For those struggling with guilt or confusion, especially in cultures where sexual topics are taboo, urges seeking support from friends, counselors, or healthcare providers.

Regarding prevalence, Dr Kirugo acknowledges a lack of robust Kenyan data. “Numbers may be rising or we may simply be more aware. Contributing factors, include limited sex education, lack of parent-child conversations, and early unregulated digital exposure,” he explains.

According to Eunice Moraa , a physician at Nakuru, Joshua and Michael’s stories underscore the need for awareness, open dialogue, and accessible support. Habits that begin innocently can spiral into struggles affecting mental, emotional, and physical health.